The Rubber Ducky
by WillaMarlowe
Summary: Jace faces a life-threatening bathroom conspiracy. Clary can't stop drooling. As for Simon, he has a plunger and by God, he's not afraid to use it! A cute parody that could be a oneshot or be a series of strange moments within this gang of misfits depending on how you like it!


The Rubber Ducky

Jace glared into the eyes of the demented creature. This would be the last time it's high-pitched screams would numb his ears. The horrendous _thing _stared happily into Jace's eyes. _You cheeky bastard_ thought Jace as he slowly brought the sunshine colored enemy closer to his pristine face. Jace was able to tell that something series was about to occur between him and this _fiend_ of childish pleasures.

"Stop giving me that look," cried Jace. The alluring, yet primitive creature continued to look upon him in adoration. "Who do you think you are? Hmm? You think you can hurt me, Mr. Bubbles? Well, go on ahead. Come on. Bring it!" Jace lunged the backside of his hand across his threat's pathetic face. Mr. Bubbles went flying through the air hitting the mirror quite ungracefully. A low, final quack was heard from Mr. Bubble's beak as he slowly slid down to the bathroom counter.

"Take that you slimy, bubbly son of a mongoose! Jace Wayland has done it again," the young man gloated hardly noticing he was entirely bare. The commotion was heard by Jace's "companion" Clary who rushed into the bathroom, her pajamas tussled and herself full of fear. What she found made her mouth drop to the floor. Jace was standing completely naked while gloating over his victory over his most hated enemy.

"Y-Y-You're naked," Clary stated. Despite standing at the entrance for a decent amount of time, she still found herself focusing on Jace's bare, plump tush. Oh, was she drooling? She'd have to stop that soon. People were beginning to file law suits.

"See something you like, Sunshine? I know I do." Clary felt a shiver run through her body. He couldn't mean her, could he? Clary was no prize after all. If she were to give a description of herself, she'd include hideous buck teeth, a face that could be illustrated as one massive zit, and terrifyingly short toes. The girl even had a complex about the natural length of her fingernails.

"Look at that _thing_! I killed it! Finally got what it deserved if I do say so myself. Quite impressive, right Sunshine?" Her hopes dashed, Clary continued to stare at Jace's tanned little delicate fanny. Oh, the things she could with such a nice bottom.

"Clary stop staring at my gorgeous bum! You're making me violated!" Jace's scream brought Clary out of her most, ahem, inappropriate fantasies. Her face slowly rose to the countertop.

"You see, Sunshine? I put that overly fluffed bird in his place! You can't messsssssss with Jace Wayland unless you want to ressssssssssssssssst in peace, yo!" Jace crossed his arms in an overly gangsta fashion. Clary wouldn't be surprised if Jace had decided to pull out a bottle of malt liquor and poor some for his dearly departed homies. Looking at you, Biggie!

"You just murdered a rubber duck. Is that correct," Clary said with a sigh. "You woke me up from a very, uh, detailed dream to shout to the entire world that you "defeated" a plastic bathroom toy?" Clary could totally believe this, but she wanted to prolong the occasion so she had a reason to keep looking at that delicious rump.

"It was no normal bathroom toy, my dear Sunshine. It was in fact a rubber ducky, the most dangerous of all the bathroom toys. I was able to infiltrate his lair and found the power source of his being. Can you guess what it was, Sunshine," Jace whispered, barely audible for fear his terrifying enemy might still have a little life in him. You could never tell with such horrendous creatures. Jace could be haunted forever by that demon.

At this point Clary's mouth had reunited with her head as she began to decipher the possibilities of the rubber ducky's power source. Jace grew impatient. As always.

"The _quack_," Jace whispered as if it was more obvious than Charlie Sheen's craziness. "That's how it becomes so strong, Clary! Mr. Bubbles has been stealing the life forces of children for decades. Every time someone squeezes the little plastic fiend, they lose three seconds of their natural life! It is then transferred into a _rubber ducky_."

"You're kidding, right? It's a manufactured plastic toy that can do no harm to you. Understand?" Clary forgot to mention that by eating the rubber duck, Jace could, in fact, be harmed. It was something she was sure to regret not telling Jace later on.

Jace, on the other hand, was still quite scared. Didn't Clary know that evil comes from small, adorable packages. He thought she should have learned that with her alone time with Simon. It was pretty obvious, at least to Jace.

Each stood in silence, waiting for the other to respond. More like Clary was waiting for a response while Jace continually stroked his abs gently, telling them he has defeated the brutal monster and they could live happily ever after. He continued this ritual with his biceps.

Suddenly, Simon ran through the bathroom door with a toilet plunger and his swim trunks at a speed that could only be described as faster than a speeding bullet. His face was wet from bath water and tears.

Alarmed, Clary asked "What's going on? Did Valentine attack us? Did he disclose his details on his private life? Does he know who my real father is? Do you know who my real father is? Please help me, Simon! My angst-ridden life is just too much!" With that declaration, Clary fainted quite ungracefully onto the hard, stone floor. There was no pulse.

Jace clapped his hands dramatically at this as Simon rushed to dive into Jace's arms bridal style. "I could tell she wasn't going to leave you alone, Jacey buttercup. I _had _to do something to get that wench off of you," Simon whispered to Jace as he was being carried out of the room where the incident had occurred.

"I completely understand, my little sweet muffin. Could you just wait until after I'm done proving how entirely brilliant I am? I was nearly able to get Clary to join the battle against hazardous bath toys!" Simon blushed deeply at Jace's words. Did he really call him sweet muffin? Oh! This was so totally going on his blog!

"Oh! That reminds me, sugar baby. I have a gift for you!" Simon slipped out a small, yellow duck with a pink bow from his trunks. "What do you think, sugar pie? I picked it out special for you. Her name is Mrs. Bubbles!" Simon felt aches all throughout his body as his beloved had dropped him onto the ground. The echoing, repetitive screams of "Mommy" was all that was left to heard from Jace Wayland. Simon decided to get a cat. Maybe Magnus would appreciate his pussy.

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A/N: Please review! It's always helpful! I might turn this into a drabble series so if you would like to read more awkward moments at the Institute then please say so! If no one does, then I'll make this as a one-shot, but as of right now I'm leaving this as in-progress. Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed and please come back for more!


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